LUNKHEADED

Part 6

One day shortly thereafter, we were all out skateboarding when John mentioned that they were having a talent show at the local high school and he’d signed us up for it. At first Pete and I were skeptical, we’d already graduated and felt really weird about going back to play with our rock band. Jeez, ya know…playing at your old high school? Sounded kinda fruity.
John was convinced it would be rad, all our friends would be there, we could go nuts and scare people, we’d bring down the fucken house, he said. Eventually we all started to see things his way and agreed to do it.
As it got closer, we started hearing more and more stuff from our friends still in school. People were amped, no denying that. For a couple weeks beforehand, everyone we ran into had heard the news and couldn’t wait. That was really starting to rub off on us, and by show day we were lit to pop.
Apparently the school officials had heard the buzz, too. Initially we were given six songs which we figured we could stretch into seven. Then John said they’d called him into the office and said only four songs. The day of the show, they told him only two songs and that they were more than willing to pull the plug.
We didn’t get it. At first the school folks had been super into the whole thing. Our friend Ben said that one of the teachers had said to him they were worried about slam dancing. I thought this was kind of strange. They wanted to see and rock and roll band, but wanted nothing else that went along with it, like dancing. I wondered if we’d be playing behind glass, like a museum exhibit.
When we arrived at the school that night, it didn’t feel like my old school. The school had been burned to the ground by a disgruntled student while I was still in eighth grade. So, my first two years they bused us to an unused school in Lake Forest and then we returned to this campus and lived around the constant construction for the latter two. I’d never gotten to see it finished so I wandered off by myself to look around after we’d loaded in. When I returned, there was a meeting going on with Mr. Chapin, an English teacher I knew well from my years on the school paper. He nodded to me as I entered and I waved and sat down with the guys and the other participants to listen to him. He was going over the rules of the show; rules about cursing, volume, conduct, and other issues that, it was painfully obvious, were directed at LUNKHEAD and not the gospel singer or the tap dancers.
After it was over he approached me.
“Matt, I really don’t want any trouble.” He said. I told him I didn’t know why they were so worried in the first place. A little rock and roll, some dancing. I didn’t see the problem. Pete, Brian, and I went out back to smoke and wait to play while John stayed backstage, getting ‘advice’ from every school official who wandered by.
After a while Mr. Chapin came out and said, “Five minutes, fellas.” He started to say something else but just kind of shook his head and went back in. We marched to the backstage area and put our guitars on while some burnout kid did a ten minute, very un-satriani-like guitar solo in front of the curtain. Tom, Rob, and Fransisco came over and took their places. They’d dressed like commandoes and were gonna stand silently on stage with us while we played. It was an idea we’d ripped from our love of good rap music like ICE-T and PUBLIC ENEMY. Besides, it looked cool as hell, you should see the video. Ed. note-here it is :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRQnoCB-2LQ&feature=related
I peeked around the curtain and the place was packed to the gills, complete with a healthy number of police officers milling around in the back aisle. I could see all of our friends in one big section. It seemed like every person I knew was sitting in this antsy mob. The Yngwie kid soldiered on, despite merciless heckling from the Wildwood crew who knew we were up next.
We had decided to do “Inspiration Point” and “Sausage Party”, and I guess a bunch of people had pledged to storm the stage when we started “Sausage Party”. I didn’t know if anything would happen, I kinda didn’t think anything would, actually. It takes a lot of balls to stand up and start a riot.
The burnout wrapped it up and walked off to tepid applause, we were introduced and the place went nuts. The curtain rose and we started “Inspiration Point’. The crowd was drowning us out and me and Fransisco laughed at the absurdity of it all for a second. The song ended and the crowd roared.
Now was the weird part. I looked at Pete who kinda shrugged and started a simple 1-2 beat and I started the crowd chanting “Sau-sage Par-ty, sau-sage par-ty”. I saw the mischeviously gleeful looks on the faces of the Wildwood crew and the stern faces of everyone else. You coulda cut the tension with a tennis racket.
To this day, there has been debate over who moved first, who was the first domino. All I know is, I heard a WHOOSH noise, looked up and saw Ben Snyder leading an army of crazed rowdies down the center aisle like the charge of the light brigade. Like a wave, they poured into the orchestra pit, and onto the stage, and back off again in ridiculous numbers. They ran up to sing and then the power got cut and it got dark and really disorienting. I ducked behind the curtain.
Backstage was chaos. We knew they school people were pissed, but they were all too busy trying to stop the melee to notice us, so we broke down in record speed and ran the shit right out the door to the waiting cars and peeled into the street, laughing hysterically and hoping everyone had made it outta there.