9-10-19

Johnny Sampson’s mom was our unofficial authority on Wildwood history as well as all things spiritual/spooky, so when she told us about the Indian meeting spot on Old Gages Lake Road and how it was haunted around there we believed her implicitly. Still do, to this day. So, when I saw the garbage can morph into a deer on the side of the road there, and almost hit it all the while thinking ‘wouldn’t it be weird if that garbage can was really a deer?’ and it turns out it was and I almost hit it with my 89 Renault Alliance that had neither a key ignition, drivers side floor, or fourth gear and which would’ve really cashed that car out, I just chalked it up to the haunted corner. It was pretty weird, but kinda bush-league weird. Like, whatever-you couldn’t tell that thing was a deer. Big whoop. Big whoop, indeed. After a few weeks of my haunted corner (it’s not really a corner, more of a bend in the road, but for brevity’s sake...) garbage can/deer story falling with a thud amongst the various Wildwood party aficionado crowds, I was going home one night in the aforementioned Appliance and it was super duper late and spooky, kinda cool and foggy, real Camp Crystal Lake weather, and I was thinking to myself, ‘wow, what a spooky night’ when my headlight which pointed down the road (the other pointed at the sky due to a fender bender and general lack of knowledge regarding the role of those screws that surrounded headlights back then) caught something in the distance. NOW. This, THIS, is the point of this story where I have to assure you that what followed is in no way made up, embellished, or a hallucination-this shit really happened. Like I said, it was kinda cool and foggy that night, and it was one of those nights where it’s cool enough to make that weird windshield condensation thing happen that you can’t defeat, especially when your car defroster has never ever worked even for one fucking second especially when you really need it to and instead you have to keep the wipers on and kinda keep looking out the drivers side window? It was that kinda cool and foggy. In the distance, on the outer edge of the opposite lane was what appeared to be a person shuffling along. Wearing all white. I slowed way down, initially thinking that no one but a complete weirdo hoodlum would be wandering around on the side of Old Gages Lake Road at 4 in the morning and since I’m friends with all the local weirdo hoodlums, I figured I must know him and would offer him a ride back to his mom’s house. As I coasted up with my head out the window, about to holler at them, I realized it was a dude. A big dude with long, black hair. Wearing what appeared to be white hospital scrubs. And no shoes. I was a bit taken aback and as I coasted up next to him and could see his face I saw that he kinda resembled both Andrew W.K. and/or Kevin (Big Daddy) Kane, but he was neither. I had come to almost a complete stop and was just about to offer a lift when the turned suddenly-in total horror movie lurching turning the whole shoulders and not the just the head way-spun to face me and-I SWEAR TO GOD-growled like a tiger and started to run towards me hanging out the window! Now, I don’t know if you’re a motorhead or a car aficionado, but in case you’re not, Renault Alliances were not revered for their acceleration but I floored it anyway, shrieking like a ten year old girl as this wandering lunatic charged me and ACTUALLY GOT HIS HANDS ON THE DOOR HANDLE. I lurched the car to right and his hands slipped off the handle and the whole time he was GROWLING AT ME. I lurched the now actually moving car back off the opposite shoulder and onto Old Gages Lake Road and took the hell off as he stumbled and fell. I keep the foot to the floor and literally never looked back. So, I don’t know... Escaped mental patient? Local, oddly-dressed eccentric? Drunk doctor? I really don’t know. But, I DO know that all this happened EXACTLY at the spot where the two angled trees meet-the fabled old Indian meeting ground that Jonny Sampson’s mom told us about and that we called the haunted corner. I also had a really weird run-in with a tow truck driver in that exact spot but that was less likely to lingering malevolent Indian spirits than it is my having been a teenaged schmuck and either way that’s a story for another time.